


The Adventures of Danny Sexbang and Ninja Brian Vs. The Samurai Abstinence Patrol on a Quest to Save Earth and Stuff

by EvenMoreGrump



Category: Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Multi, ninja sex party, something really weird, superhero AU (sort of)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-16
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-01-25 09:39:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1644137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvenMoreGrump/pseuds/EvenMoreGrump
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Long title is long... The story takes place god knows when in Attitude City... You're kidnapped by the SAP, only to be rescued by the one and only Ninja Sex Party. But what did the Samurai Abstinence Patrol want with you? Danny Sexbang and his not-so-faithful sidekick Ninja Brian are out to discover the truth behind the seemingly random kidnapping, save earth, and look like a couple of sex gods in the process. Love, drama, and murder ensue...</p><p>Clearly I don't know how to complete other things before starting new ones but ever since I heard of the SAP, I've had this idea in the back of my head..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

All the girls fawned over him, and it wasn’t like it was some kind of secret. Danny Sexbang was the superhero that every guy wanted to be, and every girl wanted to be with, even if they didn’t know it. At least, that was how the man himself saw it. He was a legend to many, loved by all and that was just how he liked it. Danny Sexbang, man of everyone's dreams. Except the one he wanted so desperately to be with. To sweep her off her feet and show her things she’d never seen before. To experience all the things he could give her that no one else could...

At first glance, she didn’t seem all that special. After the Samurai Abstinence Patrol got ahold of her, he and Ninja Brian sprung in to action to save her. But when they finally got her out of their evil clutches, it wasn’t like it had been every other time before that. She seemed less than thankful and it threw Danny Sexbang off his game. He wasn’t that charming, handsome and strong sex god that everyone wanted to fellate. He was just a normal guy in some spandex and a furry cape with a girl looking less than amused and Ninja Brian simultaneously stabbing the shit out of some guy in the background. That was always the case wasn’t it? When he’d finally feel something other than just wanting to give a girl three minutes of ecstasy, she doesn’t want a single damn thing to do with him. Still, it was his duty to protect the innocent and give women all the things they could desire and that was exactly what he was going to do.

_The last thing you remembered was bright blue eyes staring down at your face, suddenly whiteness exploding before your vision and you were out cold._

“Ninja Brian!” Danny called in a scolding voice. “Did you just knock that girl out?”

His eyes were cold and uncaring, carrying the girls form from the large stereotypically evil looking hideout. His tall, Jewish partner followed close behind, not looking back once at the mess of death they left in their wake. It was a dark, looming night as they headed back to their top secret sexetorium to give the girl a safe place to lay her head for the night. In the morning, Danny would question her and get all his answers. He wanted to know then and there what those bastards wanted but it would have to wait. She wasn’t going to be waking up for some time and he’d just have to give her that.

And so begins the newest adventure of Danny Sexbang and Ninja Brian versus The Samurai Abstinence Patrol on a quest to save Earth and stuff...


	2. Attitude City

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI (I wanna F Your A) ..no but seriously; keep this in mind because I can understand why it would be confusing. As superheros, Danny Sexbang and Ninja Brian have secret identities. Dan doesn't wear a mask or anything obviously but like Clark Kent and Superman with the glasses, a subtle change like his outfit (spandex and cape) cause people to completely not recognize who he is. Okay? Good.. On with the chapter!

The sweet scent of strawberries and cream fill your nose, causing you to stir from the most comfortable sleep of your life. You wake up in an enormous bed that appears to be shaped like a heart, lost in a sea of feathery pillows and soft blankets. You sit up slightly, running a hand over your hair and let out a loud yawn. The sound seems to catch the attention of someone else in the room, who stands from the lounge chair he rests upon and comes over to you. He stands tall over the bed, looking like a commanding power until you notice the outfit he's wearing. You blink in surprise, backing up a little as if the wall of pillows between the two of you is going to provide any kind of protection.

"Where am I?" You ask, partially in a daze from the Jew fro'ed man standing before you in skin tight blue spandex that left nothing to your imagination. He grins widely at you, hands on his hips in a hero-esque pose. You vaguely notice as well that you're not in the clothes you last remembered wearing, but a silken black robe of some sort.

"You're in Attitude City."

 **Well duh**. You moved here from your hometown for college. It wasn't a decision your parents were very happy about, but it was something that you had to do. You needed to get away from home and be a more independent person. Attitude City was the perfect place for that.

The memories start to come back but you don't have a chance to focus as he pulls you from the bed, breaking in to song with music erupting all around you seemingly out of no where.

  
" _Your life’s in danger every enemy’s a stranger, but good for you I rule this town with my iron fist!_ "

"Lovely.." You respond to his singing with as much sarcasm as possible.

_"Check my sunglasses for proof that I kick some asses. No more classes, you’ve been schooled and now you know the deal."_

"Oh do I?"

_"Everyone has a black belt in amazing, and diploma’s from the University of Fuckin’ Keepin’it real.”_

"I'm so impressed.."

"" _That’s how we’re livin’, welcome to Attitude City_!"

"Don't really need a welcome."

" _No fucks are given, when you’re in Attitude City._ ”

"Yeah clearly, can you just tell me who you are?" The music faded away as quickly as it came. "I didn't realize you were going to do the whole theatrics thing. Your voice is very beautiful and all but I really don't have time for this."

He gets this wide grin on his face and you hold your breath, hoping he's not about to break out in to another song and dance. He opens his mouth and you sit back down on the bed, waving an arm at him to tell him to stop before it starts. You were already tired just watching him. How did this guy have so much energy?

"Are you going to sing again?"

"Well of course I-"

"Please don't," you slip off the bed, noting how incredibly comfortable the short black robe feels against your skin, but uncomfortable with this man standing before you. You check the large clock on the wall behind his head and cringe. "I really don't have time for this I've got class in like twenty minutes and work afterward. Can I just say thank you and you show me how to get out of here?"

"As you wish." He nods, "Ninja Brian! Show the kind lady out would you?"

You turn around only to find the most piercing blue eyes you've ever seen staring deep in to your very soul. You groan, touching the back of your head as if those very eyes were the cause of the headache you suddenly noticed you had. "I need my clothes first."

"Your shirt was almost totally destroyed, but I managed to save your pants and bra." The tall Jew looked at you expectantly, as if you were supposed to thank him for that. It was uncomfortable enough to think he probably saw you naked while putting on the beautiful robe. He points to your clothes laying over a black leather lounge chair and you stomp over, grabbing them and heading in to what you could only assume was a bathroom.

You tug on the old torn jeans and tighten the sash on the robe with an exasperated sigh. You know you have a spare uniform in your locker at work, and you've seen girls dressed in far less at school so it'll do until later. As you stare in to the mirror above the sink, you can't help but feel disgusted. What had happened over the last day and a half to cause such feelings inside you? Slowly, you exit the bathroom, only to find the man known as Ninja Brian to be standing there before you.

"Ninja Brian, you're just going to scare her." Scolds the tall man in blue. "I do apologize for him. He doesn't know how to act like a civilized human being sometimes."

"Sure, uh.." you step around the deranged looking man and move closer to his partner. Somehow you feel a bit safer near him. Perhaps because his eyes didn't cut through you like ice. "Do you mind if I keep this?"

"I have many, that one is all yours." He appears to think for a moment, "on one condition."

You scowl but nod your head. "What's the condition?"

"You allow my partner and I to keep an eye on you for a few days. Come by your apartment for some questioning later this evening?"

"How about you come by my work after my shift and we can talk there?" You decide, not wanting these weirdos anywhere near your house and work would have lots of witnesses.

"Perfect." He smiles brightly.

"Alright I work at-...urghh..." Everything suddenly goes black.

"Nina Brian!' Dan scolds, "what did I say about knocking girls out like that?!"

The ninja picks her up and heads for the door, giving Dan a look.

"What? You know this girl?"

Ninja Brian nods his head.

"She's one of your students? Hmmm... interesting. Well you'd better go then. You have a class to teach."

...

"That'll be $14.50, ma'am." A voice suddenly says, startling you awake.

"Oh uh..." You look around, finding your bag and all your things next to you in the back seat of the cab, though you don't quite remember exactly how you got there. If it wasn't for fear of being late for class, you would have tried to figure it all out but now was not the time. You dish out a $20 and tell him to keep the change before dashing off and up in to the school, praying that you won't be late for class. It was only the fifth class and you couldn't afford to fuck things up so early on.

People stare as you run down the hall, some even gasping and whispering. You catch random words like 'Sexbang', 'Sacred Chalice' and 'Unicorn Wizard' but you have no idea what that means and are frankly not interested in anymore insanity this morning. You step in to class, your teacher turning to give you a look that causes a deja vu sensation to bubble up inside you.

"I'm so sorry sir, I-"

"It happens." He says, his voice slightly nasally but very kind. "Please take a seat."

"Yes professor." You hang your head, hearing a few snickers around you and go to take your seat, getting out your laptop and notebook to take notes.

It's a completely exhausting lecture and you find yourself spacing out for parts of it. You get distracted by your professor numerous times, his piercing blue eyes practically burning holes right through your body. It's very strange, you feel like you've definitely seen those eyes before but you don't say anything about it. Lots of people have insanely icy blue eyes. It's no big deal.

Class ends and you pack up your things, shuffling down the steps and out of the classroom. You half expect Professor Wecht to stop you, but he doesn't, simply sitting down at his desk to go over some papers. You smile to yourself a little and hurry to catch the bus. You've got no more than a half an hour to get to work and with a boss like yours, you know you have not even a second to spare.

You use this down time on the bus to call your parents and give them an update on what's been going on lately. You leave out the last few days and talk about your apartment, on the lower east side of town. It's pretty quiet save for some weirdos but the building you live in is very secure with two locked doors you need to get through before even getting inside the building. You knew this would put your mother at ease and get on the topic of finally getting all the rooms you wanted to paint the right color.

She seems happy enough but wishes you would have decided to go to school somewhere a little closer to home. Instead of fighting with her about it again, you calmly ask her to speak to your dad. You always had a better relationship with him and he was stoked that you were out on your own. You'd always be his little girl but he only wanted what was best for you. Seeing that look in your eyes when you got accepted to the school here made him realize as much as he wanted you to be close to home, this was where you belonged.

"We're very proud of you." He says, "you sound like you really love it there."

"Yeah dad, it's pretty great." It takes a bit of force to say, but he doesn't pick up on the discomfort deep in your voice. You did want to be here, but after what had happened you weren't so sure you could handle it anymore. But being a stubborn person, you weren't about to give up and go home after how hard you worked to get here to begin with. "I should get going now, dad. I'm about to get to my stop."

"We love you. Call us when you get home."

"Bye dad."

You hang up as the bus comes to a stop, getting up and heading out. The coffee shop you got a job at about a month and a half ago upon moving here is just across the street, and you get there with just minutes to spare. Your boss looks you over but says nothing as you head to the back and open your locker, tugging out the uniform you keep in there for just these occasions. You sigh in relief, ready to take off the robe because you feel like a total idiot wearing it around town. You enter the bathroom and are immediately greeted by a coworker who gives you a curious once over. You ignore the look and begin stepping out of your pants, wanting this whole day to be over with.

"What's with the star of David?" She asks, poking your back. You turn slightly, staring at the back of the robe before pulling it off and setting it on the counter. Sure enough, a red star of David is present there. You furrow your brows and stuff it in your bag as you slip on your uniform, buttoning up your shirt quickly so you can start your shift. You're already tired from school and are hoping the smell of caffeine around you for the next six hours will be enough to keep you awake.

"I don't know," you answer honestly, "had a crazy night."

She laughs loudly, "I'll bet."

"I just wanna get this shift over with." You smooth out your pants and fix the vest over your top before heading out to begin serving the overpriced dirt water Attitude City has to offer.

It's not overly busy, which you're completely thankful for because you really don't feel like dealing with a lot of people today. There's a small ding from the door and you look up just as a tall man comes strolling through the door. He looks vaguely familiar but you ignore it, crossing your ankles as he comes up to the counter and gives you a shy smile.

"What can I get you?" You ask in a bitterly chipper tone. The man chuckles bashfully and glances up at the board behind you.

"What would you recommend?" He stares at you with deep chocolate eyes, looking down suddenly and staring at your name tag. He mutters the word aloud but you don't acknowledge it.

"Not much of a coffee drinker, honestly. I'd go with tea."

"Have anything herbal?"

"Yes we do."

"I'll take whatever you recommend."

"Size?"

"Medium."

"And your name," you grab a cup and marker, "we'll call you up when it's ready."

"Dan."

You write the name on the cup and slide it to the side, the tall man turns and goes to find a seat by the window and cracks open a large book. You squint to read the title and smile a little. A Song of Ice and Fire. What a nerd.

Your coworker slides the cup back to you and you lid it, whistling a little to get the guys attention and call his name. He stands and heads over, leaning against the counter as he takes the tea from you. You stare for a moment as he smiles at you, the light in his deep eyes so bright you can feel its warmth.

"I saw that you were reading A Storm of Swords."

"Yeah," he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly before running it over his intense mane of hair. "I'm a total nerd."

"I'm actually on a Feast of Crows.." You blush, shrugging a little.

The look on his face is a mixture of awe and surprise. "No way."

"Yeah."

"I've read them all so far. Just like going back and enjoying them all over again sometimes."

You can see your boss approaching out of the corner of your eye and quickly tell him how much his tea will cost him. You do not want to get caught seemingly flirting with a customer. He hands you the money with a nice tip and goes back to his seat, bathed in the warm September sunset. You can't help but stare, the red plaid shirt he wears and faded jeans are really working for him. Even the stupid shoes. Boy could he use a new pair...

Periodically through your shift, you find yourself glancing over at him. He stays for quite some time, but after your break it seems he's completely disappeared. So much for that. You knew his name and in a town as busy and big as this, you couldn't imagine that you'd ever get to see him again. It bummed you out but hadn't expected anything to begin with so it wasn't that big of a deal.

As your shift got closer and closer to it's end, you wondered if those two from this morning would show. You couldn't exactly remember leaving or getting in the cab, and thinking about it just made your head hurt. You begin clean up when you hear another ding from the door and turn, both men in their strange get up slide in and take a seat. The one clad in blue gives you a wink and you turn away to finish up, order a tea while you go change back in to your clothes and take a seat with it in front of them.

"Did you have a good shift?"

"Yeah it was fantastic," you mutter over the cup, "can you tell me who you are now because this whole thing is awkward enough."

"I'm Danny," he beams, finally giving you a name. "The one and only, Danny Sexbang."

By the look on your face, he can tell you're not even slightly impressed. How could you possibly not know who Danny Sexbang is? Superhero, musician. He's the fucking Unicorn Wizard for god sakes.

"Do you really not know who we are?" He appears completely torn up about it.

"Nope."

"Let me tell you about the day me and Ninja Brian saved the world from super monsters."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, that's a thing that happened.."

There is was again... that fucking music. You groan audibly and Danny takes that as a sign that you're enjoying it, opening with a smooth voice.

 _"It's the middle of the day but darkness falls on the city, it's the shadow of a giant cybernetic death kitty. And on the other side of town something rages down the path. If you had a lisp you know it's kickin' theriouth ath. Mortal enemies since the early days of yore, we're just collateral damage in their giant-ass war. They rumble, battle, tussle, and then do a cocky strut. They both know they're kicking Earth right in its planetary nuts._ "

Instead of stopping him, this time you listen, kind of enthralled. Not only because of this elaborate story that just cannot be real, but because others in the coffee shop seemed to have fallen head over heels for this guy within seconds.

" _Rhinoceratops versus Superpuma! I think there's a lesson here that needs reviewal; choose sex over murder even if you're from the stars, or you might kill a planet and also scratch my car."_

Danny is breathing a little heavier now, taking a seat back next to Ninja Brian with a dewy glow about his face. He glances at you but the look of sheer pleasure washes away immediately seeing that you're still not giving him what he expected from you at all.

You take another sip from your tea and collect your thoughts, trying to gather all the information you just received from that very catchy, but very unreal song.

"You're going to tell me a robot cat and a rhino-whatever murdered one million people and I never heard of this? And the 'president of space' what the hell is that? Because I've sure as hell never heard of it."

"Well of course not." He scoffs, "we can't have normal civilians knowing all of this stuff. It would put them in so much danger.."

"Someone would have-"

"No," he cuts you off, a more stern tone to his voice. "We have our ways of keeping that stuff quiet."

You frown, "there isn't a not a song for that, too, is there?"

Ninja Brian shakes his head and you sigh in relief. As if it wasn't embarrassing enough the first two times. You couldn't take another song.

"Wasn't there something you wanted to ask me?" You finally say after another moment, not wanting to give this guy another change to start jumping on tables and sing about some other crazy beast he's 'fought'.

"Ah yes! Ninja Brian, pad and paper ready?"

The silent Ninja nods his head and holds up a pad and paper he pulled out of no where. You blink in surprise but don't question it. Weirder things have happened with these two. You take another sip of your tea and prepare for whatever they have to ask.

 

This is going to be a long night..

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses for this.


	3. Ninja Sex Party

"What do you remember from yesterday?" Danny asks, leaning forward on his hand. You think back a little and shrug your shoulders.

"Like from beginning to end?"

"Please, if you will."

The thoughts in your head are swimming a little, your mind trying to piece together the events of the last day. It causes a sharp pain to shoot through your skull and Danny looks immediately concerned, gently resting a hand over yours.

"Its alright, take all the time you need."

You flinch away a little and settle your hands in your lap. "I woke up around ten and went for a shower. I didn't have class early so I figured I'd just lounge around my apartment until I had to leave. Had breakfast, watched some TV and packed up my stuff so I was ready to go. I left around noon and got to class twenty minutes early, I remember one of my classmates saying that because it was only the two of us until the prof showed up."

"Did anything strange happen during your class? Something out of the ordinary "

"No," you shake your head as you think back, "aside from me being early there wasn't anything weird about it. After class I went to have dinner and a few drinks with classmates. I wasn't directly invited but it was like this.. beginning of the year bonfire thing I guess. I decided to get myself out there, you know, make a few friends. It's a new town you know, I don't know anyone yet really. It seemed like a good idea at the time."

Danny nods, glancing over at the pad and paper Ninja Brian scribbles notes upon.

"I started feeling kind of shitty, but I don't remember what time it was. I didn't have too much to drink so I decided to just walk home. About halfway I saw a guy laying on the side of the road.. Yes!" You practically jump out of your seat , remembering this detail specifically. "And I think I went over to ask if he was okay because he looked like he was bleeding. I got my phone out and then.. s-someone grabbed me. From behind."

Danny could see the tears welling up in your eyes at the memory. He assumed you blocked it out because it had been very traumatic. It broke his heart to see anyone like that and all he wanted was to bring you in his arms and protect you from anymore harm. The anger boiled inside him, thinking about what those guys could have possibly done to you.

"The last thing I remember is these blue eyes staring at me, then whiteness... and then I woke up in your um.."

"Sexatorium." Danny says, matter-of-factly.

"Right, that."

"Do you know where you were between then? Where we saved you from?"

"No.." You respond honestly, "I don't even remember you saving me. Are you like in some LARP group? Shouldn't I talk to the police about this?"

"We're Ninja Sex Party." Danny laughs, "we're superheroes."

"But you don't honestly believe you-"

"Yes," he interupts with the most intense look in his eye. "We Ninja, We Sex, We Party.. Believe it or not, we're here to protect the innocent and find out just what the Samurai Abstinence Patrol is doing in our town. No police officer will be able to protect you from them. We're the only ones you can count on."

"..the who?"

"The Samurai Abstinence Patrol, they're our archenemies. Arin Neverbone and Samurai Barry."

A bewildered look crosses your face and you stand up, only to find Ninja Brian to your right, stopping you from leaving. He stares at you with a hard look and you sit back down, looking over to find him back in his seat. Could these guys honestly think they were really superheroes, or was this some kind of elaborate plan your parents had set up to get you to come home? You take a sip of your tea and glance out the window, seeing how dark it was now.

"We just want to get to the bottom of this so they can't hurt anyone else."

"Well, I can't help you anymore because I don't know anything else."

Danny rubs a hand over the stubble on his face, looking very deep in thought. "Could you think of any possible reason the Samurai Abstinence Patrol would go after you?"

"No," you shake your head, "I don't."

"Then I guess that'll be all." You go to stand up but he stops you, "one more thing?"

"What is it..?"

"If you're in trouble again, don't be afraid to call to us for help. We'll keep an eye on things from our ends, but we'd appreciate you inform us of anything out of the ordinary. Or if you remember anything else."

He slides a card and you take it without another word, leaving before either of them has a chance to say anything else. There's a cab waiting just outside and you get in without thinking twice about it, giving him directions and settling back in the seat. You were tired and ready to finally get back home, to your own apartment. You try not to dwell, but find yourself taken over by these guys who call themselves Ninja Sex Party. It's a far cry from anything you believe but they did save you, and you owed them that. Even as you approach your building, the cab driver waves off the fee, saying they had taken care of it. You check the card as you head up to your apartment, perhaps you'd have to find a way to thank them at some point. If ever you needed them again..

...

Danny watches you go with a deep sigh, head falling in to his hands. He's never dealt with someone so adamant about not giving him what he was looking for. Even if she didn't remember, she wasn't as cooperative as most women were. His charm and sex appeal never failed him. What was so different this time? Ninja Brian hands over the note pad and Danny's face falls even further. He had simply doodled a picture of himself stabbing Samurai Barry.

"Looks like we'll have to go to plan B."

Ninja Brian gives Danny a look.

"We have no choice, Ninja Brian. I'm going to have to go undercover..."


	4. Mysteries Unfold, But Do They Really?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, updating? Me? Unreal....

Time seems to slow down as you enter class the next day, that shaggy haired boy from work sitting in your seat, all be it unassigned, but yours none the less. You stand in the doorway for so long that it takes another student pushing passed you to get you back on to planet earth. Slowly, you make your way over. His eyes are already on you, watching as you shuffle quite ungracefully toward him. He looks you up and down and you immediately regret the old leggings and a sweater three sizes too big for class today. A frown follows the thought, you couldn’t help it though, the professor’s class was always so cold. 

“That’s my seat.” You finally manage, leaning back on your heels. He’s still staring at you, a big friendly smile on his face.

“It is?” He didn't hesitate to stand, towering over you, immediately. He scooted over and took the empty seat to your left and you plopped down, spreading out your books, pens, paper, a laptop. In that moment you hadn’t noticed he was still watching, every movement you made frankly. It wasn’t until the professor began his lecture that his eyes finally peeled away but he still wasn’t listening or paying any kind of attention. That much became obvious when he had been called upon and couldn’t get an answer out. He floundered for a moment until you cut in with a small laugh, showing him up.

“Good.” The professor nodded, seemingly pleased. “Try and pay a little more attention Daniel. Like this young lady.”

“Yes, sir!” He saluted, laughing off his embarrassment.

“How long have you been in this class?” You whispered softly, turning to look at him. “I feel like I would have noticed you before this..”

“Oh yeah, it’s only been a week or so now. When I first applied and got accepted they messed my schedule up big time so it took a little while to get me in the right class.”

His shoulders relaxed heavily when he saw you nod in understanding, buying the story. The rest of class went by smoothly and you found yourself falling in next to Dan as you left, wanting to get to know this strange guy a little more. You were sure this was a sign you were at least supposed to be friends as you’d never expected to see him again. He swung his arms lazily as he walked, the two of you chatting back and forth about things like school and home, your favourite sports teams and musicians.

“Really? I never pegged you for a metalhead or anything like that.” He smiled, bumping his hip lightly against yours.

“Big time,” you nodded, “I’ve always had a soft spot for the harder stuff.”

Dan stifled a laugh until he saw you giggling as well, a comfortable sound that made him feel almost weightless. “Do you have anymore classes today?”

“No, just a paper I need to finish writing. It’s due in a few days and I’m trying really hard not to procrastinate. I’ve got the title page done so far.” Your smile is weary, and Dan can tell that you’re tired. He could only imagine, considering the things you had been going through these last few days. 

He was kind of surprised when you never brought any of it up, nothing about a unicorn wizard or the drop dead sexy god that he had been. She spoke of simple things and things that were just all around generic. He’d listened closely to every detail, trying to find anything strange, out of the ordinary that might lead him to the plans of the SAP. The only thing that was truly strange about you had been how basic and boring your life seemed. So cookie cutter and average. Your eyes told a different story, when he looked in to them the pools swirled and waves crashed. You had seen things that you either didn’t quite remember or you didn’t want to share with someone you’d really just met. But after the story you told about breaking your nose in gym glass in the seventh grade, he felt something really off. As he looked down at your face he could tell your nose had never been broken. Could it have been a simple lie to cover up dead air? But the way you told the story made it seem as though you believed it too. There was something strange going on and he was determined to figure out what it was.

“What about your parents?” He questioned suddenly, “are they cool?”

“Sure,” you shrugged, “they didn’t want me to come here to Attitude City but it just felt like something I had to do you, you know?”  
He nodded.

“When I got accepted to school here it was just the nail in the coffin. They did everything they could to try and stop me, but one night I just packed all my shit and left on my own. They called me a thousand times before calling the police, the freaking government practically. My dad hadn’t been so bad, but my mother was a tyrant.” You blinked, almost as if you were just remembering these things suddenly. You’d known there had been a struggle to get yourself where you were now, but you hadn’t thought about how much until just now.

“All that just to stop you from coming to school here?”

You nodded, “eventually they understood there was no stopping me. I was going no matter what anyone said. The cops couldn't do anything. I’m legal age to make my own decisions. I had enough money saved up to start school without too much hassle, but I had to get a job here fast and an apartment to live in so I wouldn’t be forced to go back. I had no one to lean on from the beginning but my family has since come around.”

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” He frowned, taking a left down the sidewalk you were suddenly on. You hadn’t even realized you’d walked all the way outside and down the campus. You looked back, the library in the distance calling out to you to get your ass back there and do your paper. You ignored it and turned back to Dan, smiling. “But I’m glad it’s better now.”

“Much.” You agreed.

Silence came easily between you, the leaves of fall dancing around your form as you walked together. You’d been glad now, that you had worn that big old sweater, the autumn weather creeping up your spine. Soon, winter would sweep through and you’d be in for a cold one for sure. The two of you wound up in an old cafe, much quieter and cozier than the coffee shop you worked in. He found you a seat and pulled it out before taking his own, folding up somewhat awkwardly in the chair that seemed a little too small. His knees poked up over the table just a little and you smirked, looking around.

This place was incredibly small but with many windows that gave a lot of natural light. Everything was made of a dark wood with accents in black and red. It was warm and felt like coming home to a cabin in the woods. Each seat had a small plaid pillow that cradled you ever so gently. The waitress who came over to serve you was an older, heavy set woman. She smiled so sweetly it reminded you of what a grandmother might be like. She offered you both a menu and a glass of water that you took with a thank you.

“Brunch?” You raised an eyebrow curiously, “what warranted taking me out for brunch?”

“The tea.”

“Huh?”

Dan smiled at you with so much warmth you could feel it in your soul. “When I came in to your coffee shop the other day, you gave me something that reminds me of this place. I know it’s kind of weird, but I thought I’d take you.”

Was this all far too fast? No, why would it be? You were just two people who had a mutual interest in lots of things who happened to have the same course in university. Big deal. This was just a friendly thing where you would laugh over eggs and toast and make small talk. You never imagined it would become anything more than that, but it seemed like things were moving in to something more than that. Your feet brushed against each others, laughing so heartily when he would make a joke. It was too soon to know but you felt something else as he offered you the last slice of caramelized apple on his plate.

When you left the cafe your stomach and heart were full, you walked much closer to Dan as he brought you back toward your apartment. You led him easily, having walked these streets so many times when you had first come to Attitude City. How you’d never found that little place was beyond you but you were happy that you had now. Fumbling with your keys, you stood just outside the complex you lived in and looked up at Dan, thanking him quietly for a lovely morning.

“Anytime,” he quipped, “I’d love to do it again.”

“Me too,” you yawned softly, reaching out to touch his arm.

“See you around.” He bent down slightly, almost as if he was expecting something but you turned quickly to unlock the door.  
“Yeah,” you responded, not wanting to ruin things so soon. “See you in class.”

If he had been offended he did a really good job not showing it, he pat your shoulder and turned to leave. As soon as you closed the door behind you in your apartment, you slid to the floor on the scratchy welcome mat with your head in your hands. It was throbbing now, a strange sensation that had you nearly incapacitated. With a small whimper you pulled yourself to your feet and shambled over to the couch to sink in to the cushions. The silence only aided in your pain, heart pounding in your ears. There was something heavy on your mind that you just couldn’t place, everything felt as though it was no longer yours here. You made sure to look around and make sure you were in the right apartment. Of course you were, the key you had wouldn’t have let you in anywhere else.

“What’s going on...” You thought as you laid back against the couch, closing your eyes. “Why does this feel so strange.”

...

Danny raced in to the Sexatorium, costume on and cape flowing behind him majestically. Ninja Brian didn’t even look up when he came in, breath lost. He looked to his ninja friend and gave a thumbs up, as if to say, yes Brian I did something right this time. Finally the ninja’s piercing eyes landed on Danny Sexbang and he gave him a nod.

“It worked Ninja Brian. We’re friends now, but something is really off about that girl. There’s definitely more to this story than I first thought.”

Ninja Brian continued to watch him closely as he walked around the room, taking large strides. He was thinking very hard and the ninja could tell by the dark look on his face. He was looking in to the deepest confines of his mind for something but he couldn’t be sure yet what that thing was.

“It’s almost as if,” Danny hesitated, not wanting to say it but Ninja Brian urged him on. “It’s almost as if her life isn’t real. Like it’s made up.”

Ninja Brian raised a curious brow.

“Right.” Danny nodded. “Maybe, just maybe... the Samurai Abstinence Patrol planted her to distract me, to cloud my views of their real plan.”

The two spent the rest of their day researching and finding everything they could on you, trying to get every detail of your life from the beginning up until now. It was strange, how far they had to dig, how deep. What came up was just your normal, average stuff. It was too basic, too perfect. Danny scratched his beard with distaste, sure there had to be something. But it was Ninja Brian who found it, the files had all been edited in a way. Such a way that made them almost impossible to detect but the silent one had his ways, fingers flying over the keys of the laptop sitting on his lap. Finally, Danny thought, something we can go off.

But he was not prepared for what Ninja Brian would uncover next. Going back to before the pages were edited. Danny’s eyes widened slightly, scanning the pages quickly to make absolutely sure what he was seeing had been real.

“There’s nothing here.” He said, “she’s not real...”

He knew she had been too good to be true. You were far to easy for him to talk with, engage with. You had a lot of things in common and now he was sure that he knew why. You had been planted there for him, a distraction to make him lose sight of everything he was fighting for. Fear welled up in his body but he quickly shook it away, replacing it with anger. How could you, how dare you do something like that to him. He was going to make you confess one way or another. That, he promised himself, would only be the start of his revenge. 


End file.
